they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
