I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come share oat with me in your robe
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
