How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk is a universal language darling
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
