I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
