dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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