I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
