I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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