you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
