I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
