At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
