i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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