Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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