what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
