Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
