I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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