and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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