Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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