My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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