I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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