i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
