The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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