Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize