yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
