There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
