i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
