..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
