I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
