i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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