Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
