i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
