So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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