walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
