Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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