Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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