That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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