i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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