I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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