The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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