I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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