if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
