He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
