You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize