I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
