1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
