ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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