I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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