just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
