people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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