You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it glows. i had to have it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
