You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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