i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
