Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
