i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just found puke in my bra..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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