Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
