I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
