We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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