when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
