no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
