where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
smell my finger.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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