Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize