i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
